A Fresh Start

Writing again after so many months.

So, lots of things had happened. Ups and down. Good and bad. Laugh and tears. From having a job to unemployed. From having a good friend to lost that person. And along with that journey, what makes me sad is, somehow I lost myself.

I mean, I was trying my best find out what was it? How could that happen? I even try to make it right. Not really succeed and eventually, for the 1st time in life, I became a bitter person. Feels like I hate everything and everyone. And I hated myself for that. It was tiring, exhausting. I can’t stand it anymore.

Luckily,  these past few days (and for the next few days) my cell phone is dead. It suddenly died one night and when I took it the repairman, they need to replace one of its spare parts which will take some time. This situation really gives me time to think and talk to myself. A serious conversation I believe. And I decided to let it go. I need to stop fixing things. Sometimes it just meant to be broken. I need to stop hoping that my friendship with that person will be okay. It takes two to tango. No matter how hard I try if no response, so what’s the use? Sometimes, there are people who just not meant to stay for a long time in my life.

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As said in above picture, I’m on a journey to detox all negativity in me. I need to cut that infection in my wounded heart before it spread and killing me softly. I need to stop myself from turning into someone I don’t even like. I can’t and surely don’t have the right to change others. But I definitely can change myself.

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And you… if you never heard anything again from me again, it simply because I don’t want us to hurt each other in any possible way. It’s better to remember you as a sweet memory, a smile from the past rather than to talk to you as a stranger. Be happy always.

 

Love,

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{Life List}: 250 and more ..

Good morning from cloudy Jakarta.

I was checking on my life list and found about posting 250 post on this blog. Totally forget when I wrote it but really excited to check whether I already achieve it or not.

Tadaaaaa …

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I’ve reached 278 post so far. And surely will add some more.

Hmm.. is it the right time to set another goal??

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New Home for My Craft

Finally  have a place for my craft story.

http://www.cubbyknot.id

Totally happy with it and literally makes me wanna create more -so I could post something there-

Crafting is like a therapy for me. A shelter where I can escape from the chaotic world. Just stay there, playing with all the bright colors of yarn, tiny button and all the pretty thing.

Please stop by once in a while …

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A Glimpse to The Past

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2016  left me with so many stories and lessons.

I’ve lost a man who I considered as my dad | Disconnected myself from those who LOVE drama in their life. Hard, but enough is enough. | Some changes at the office and caused me a new assignment -which I still try to cope with- | Having a side-job which I kinda love | Read less than I planned -will do better this year- | … and more

… above all,

2016 taught me about Loving myself. Loving myself is not really easy. Somehow.. my brain always found something ugly about me. I’m too fat, too curious. Or something like.. no one will love me because I’m poor. Things like that. 2016 taught me -again and again- that it was silly.

As I love myself, I find that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Not because I don’t care about others, but because after all the hard work -and maybe-, all of the sacrifices I made, I need a day out. A time out. Simply to take a rest and refill my energy before I continue this journey.

I learn that it’s okay to step away from person or situation that bring so much negativity into my life. Not because I hated them but simply because I LOVE myself more.

So.. that was my 2016. I believe  that all the lesson, the ups and downs, the laugh and tears had shaped me into a better version of me.

And I believe that 2017 will bring another lesson and stories.

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After a Year

Nov 17 2014

It was my very 1st day at work. My heart beating fast and I was afraid that people might hear it. After almost a decade, that was the very 1st day as newbie, new employee.

I spent my 1st day doing nothing. My leader said that my laptop hasn’t ready yet. Oh yes, they provide a brand new laptop for each employee. So I just spent that 1st day with memorizing where my seat; my Line Manager’ seat; where the praying room and the pantry was. Oh.. I remember forcing myself for not drinking too much so I don’t have to go to the toilet. You see, to enter and exit the room, I need a key card and I still don’t have it so I have to borrow it from people around me. Can you imagine that?? I still smiling every time I remember it.

As a newbie in a big company like this one, I get scared. I never been in this situation before. How if I fail? How if I can’t understand my job? What the hell is vlookup?? I never use that in my previous job. And why did they have so many terms like Core, PAC, POR etc. How can I remember all of that?! So many what if; how if. So many negativity in my mind.

I was both excited and scared at the same time. Every morning, while sitting on my work station, before starting my job, I only asking one thing from The Almighty. ‘Please help me get through the day in a very best way I deserve.’

Nov 17 2015

I’m on 11th floor and having this event where gathered to talk about company’s culture. One of Line Manager already shared some information about it and it was our turn to speak up, to stated our opinion. We were divided into 6 group consist of 5 people. One of my colleague already answered the 1st question and now it’s my turn to answer 2nd one.

My heart beat fast. And when I started to speak, I heard my voice trembling. Another problem is that when ever I’m nervous, I always talk fast. This is the 1st time I speak in front a group which not only my team, but also from different team, different stream and even different Line Managers. But then I saw all the faces in front of me. No one laughing at me. Even most of Line Managers listened to me seriously. Slowly, I felt calm.

On the same date a year a go I felt nervous. Today I was in a situation where I felt nervous too. Different kind of nervous though.

At home, while drafting this post, I tried to remember all of my personal achievements. No.. let me correct it. I read again all off personal achievements which I wrote in a piece of paper and put it in a glass jar. I wrote almost everything. One of them is  how I succeed in learning how to applied vlookup in my daily work.  For others it might be a small thing, but for me who rarely use excel in my daily work, it’s Huge. Another huge thing was when I agreed to help other team. one is whe. For me, adapting to new situation or person is really a challenge. This year, I engaged with several different team and I survived. So… BRAVO for me.

I learned a lot. Not only learning new skills which related with my daily work but also… learning to Believing myself. Believe that I can do it. Believe that I can be as good as other. And that lesson… worth a lot.

Happy 1st Anniversary, Me ^^
Let’s rock until our next anniversary

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