After a Year

Nov 17 2014

It was my very 1st day at work. My heart beating fast and I was afraid that people might hear it. After almost a decade, that was the very 1st day as newbie, new employee.

I spent my 1st day doing nothing. My leader said that my laptop hasn’t ready yet. Oh yes, they provide a brand new laptop for each employee. So I just spent that 1st day with memorizing where my seat; my Line Manager’ seat; where the praying room and the pantry was. Oh.. I remember forcing myself for not drinking too much so I don’t have to go to the toilet. You see, to enter and exit the room, I need a key card and I still don’t have it so I have to borrow it from people around me. Can you imagine that?? I still smiling every time I remember it.

As a newbie in a big company like this one, I get scared. I never been in this situation before. How if I fail? How if I can’t understand my job? What the hell is vlookup?? I never use that in my previous job. And why did they have so many terms like Core, PAC, POR etc. How can I remember all of that?! So many what if; how if. So many negativity in my mind.

I was both excited and scared at the same time. Every morning, while sitting on my work station, before starting my job, I only asking one thing from The Almighty. ‘Please help me get through the day in a very best way I deserve.’

Nov 17 2015

I’m on 11th floor and having this event where gathered to talk about company’s culture. One of Line Manager already shared some information about it and it was our turn to speak up, to stated our opinion. We were divided into 6 group consist of 5 people. One of my colleague already answered the 1st question and now it’s my turn to answer 2nd one.

My heart beat fast. And when I started to speak, I heard my voice trembling. Another problem is that when ever I’m nervous, I always talk fast. This is the 1st time I speak in front a group which not only my team, but also from different team, different stream and even different Line Managers. But then I saw all the faces in front of me. No one laughing at me. Even most of Line Managers listened to me seriously. Slowly, I felt calm.

On the same date a year a go I felt nervous. Today I was in a situation where I felt nervous too. Different kind of nervous though.

At home, while drafting this post, I tried to remember all of my personal achievements. No.. let me correct it. I read again all off personal achievements which I wrote in a piece of paper and put it in a glass jar. I wrote almost everything. One of them is  how I succeed in learning how to applied vlookup in my daily work.  For others it might be a small thing, but for me who rarely use excel in my daily work, it’s Huge. Another huge thing was when I agreed to help other team. one is whe. For me, adapting to new situation or person is really a challenge. This year, I engaged with several different team and I survived. So… BRAVO for me.

I learned a lot. Not only learning new skills which related with my daily work but also… learning to Believing myself. Believe that I can do it. Believe that I can be as good as other. And that lesson… worth a lot.

Happy 1st Anniversary, Me ^^
Let’s rock until our next anniversary

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