This Date Last Month

On this date last month, I celebrate my B’day.

The 1st person who congrats me (off course) was myself. I I halways do that. Congrats myself on my B’day. I wonder, is someone out there who do that beside me?

Anyway.. The B’day was ok. Got surprise cake from my colleagues. A rainbow cake which taste good. And we’re having lunch together @Yoshinoya (it wasn’t me who picked the place) which I don’t really like. No offense please Yoshinoya. I’m just not into you 😀

Anway… it was fun day. I met with my best friend after work. It’s been a while since last time we met. I had to admitted that I was disappearing from her for the past few month. Not that I’m angry or something. It’s just that I wrant to be alone.  I called her actually to her office, but every time I called, she never there. And during that ‘hibernate’ moment of mine, she never looked for me so I simply think that she’s ok. Turned out that she wasn’t okay at all and after hearing her story, I totally felt guilty 😥

So.. on that evening, I gave full attention on hearing my bff’s story. We laugh, we cried, just like we used to be. It was total fun. And I feel happy. Not with the fact that my bff was sad and miserable, not at all. I’m happy because I could give something on my B’day. That I feel needed and useful. Those feelings bring some kind of peace in my heart. I’m sad with what happened to her, but at the same time I was glad that I could be there to listen to her.

You see, few weeks before my B’day I feel a miserable. I felt that I haven’t done much these past years. And that useless feeling start to eat me alive. I know it wasn’t good and ALLAH know how much I try to get rid off that thought. Hard, but I know wont give up. I don’t want these feelings to eat me alive and left me in pain with no inner peace within me. Talking to my best friend like that, even when I’m not telling her anything, somehow make me feels a little better. It’s like a healing process and a way to let go those negative thoughts.

And now.. on this date, a month after my 31th B’day, I pledge to let go all my negativity and embrace every single day with a smile and be grateful always.

Hugs,

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